N —
This is not a typical follow-up but I’m not typical and I’m learning to be okay with that.
In a lifelong quest to be understood, I felt the need to explain my oddness.
I figured what better way to tell my story than to use my new obsession—scrollytelling.
So this is a scrollystory just for you.
A Divergent Background
Growing up with a funny accent and goofy teeth made it easy to be misunderstood.
I was a natural entertainer who devoured books so when language and social difficulties showed up teachers figured it was my mixed culture and I'd grow out of it—I didn’t.
In high school, I scored high on tests but struggled with coursework and bullying—from both students and teachers.
At sixteen my guidance counselor told me I was too smart for school and advised me to get my GED and go to community college—I did.
Bart Simpson smiling widely.
A visual thinker with a love of storytelling—and cartoons—I signed up for film classes at the School of Visual Arts.
My dream was crushed the first week when the screenwriting teacher said:
“You’ll never make it past waiting tables in this industry with bad spelling.”
I recouped 80% of my parent’s course fees, said goodbye to the American dream, and shipped off to Ireland for a bit of island respite.
The First Discovery
It was 2007—in Irish university—when I received my neurodivergent diagnosis.
It was explained as a symptom of something else with numerous dyslexic difficulties.
I was given disability support and thrived for the first time in my educational history.
My confidence grew.
Bright orange sticker on college course work that says “This is the work of a Dyslexic Student”
support from college
In class note-taker
spelling + grammar waivers
written + verbal exam direction
extra time for project work
Can’t Hide From Bullies
I moved back to NYC after college and although I had amazing opportunities I struggled in the workplace.
Advised to hide my disability “until it becomes an issue” I was in a constant state of anxiousness—and a target for mockery.
“Ha! Ha! Unlike you, I don’t need to write tasks down to remember them.”
Nelson Muntz Pointing with speech bubble saying “ haha!”
Not all bad. I did have wonderful mentors who—knowing my gifts—guided me into experience design and I found joy in the 20%
While my work and personality were celebrated by most, under pressure my language and processing difficulties were hard to hide—or explain.
“ She’s weird! I can’t understand the way she speaks sometimes.”
The Second Discovery
In 2017 I got my where do you see yourself in five years prompt. I realized I couldn’t keep struggling with the 80%
The only way forward was to fully understand me and my differences and build up my EQ.
That journey led me to insight meditation. The self-awareness it brought was life-altering in so many ways—but those are stories for another day.
As my practice developed so did my observational skills. As I dove into the new research on neurodiversity I wondered—briefly—if the something else could be autism.
I pushed it aside but the seed was planted.
Bart Simpson, arms crossed with speech bubble saying “No way,Man!”
“No way I made it this far without someone saying something and sure, I can be awkward but otherwise—I’m very social.”
The Inside Outsider Effect
In 2007, I studied Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in detail while getting my B.A. in Early Childhood Development.
I worked closely with children on the spectrum and my final year research project was ‘The Diagnostic Experiences of Parents with Children on the Spectrum.’
Funny enough, one of the main findings was it—usually—took an outsider to suggest ASD before it was considered.
In 2019 I was living alone for the first time and decided to be my own outsider, the research began.
I set up my space to support my eccentricities—an OCD haven— and conducted little experiments.
I collected journal notes, audio recordings, and even observational time-lapses.
The social isolation of 2020 was perfect for my efforts. Not having to camouflage my behaviors at the office meant I could truly capture myself working—in my natural habitat.
Eureka!
I am and have always been autistic.
Professor Frink pouring liquids between beakers.
Since then, I’ve been reconciling with my past, present, and future while building the right supports needed to show up—authentically and responsibly.
A Golden Opportunity Manifested
“...we are looking to hire disabled people in UX design and research...”
In November 2020 when I saw that post and reached out I was confident in myself and what I could bring.
At the same time, my agency lost work and a few of us were let go.
Being out of a work routine and isolated thru the holidays meant my self-worth was pretty low in January when we did connect.
Bart Simpson Looking Anxious
Our meeting was the first professional situation where someone knew I was even dyslexic before connecting—scary new territory.
I reviewed our communication right before and my brain hiccupped. I couldn’t tell if you were gifting me your time as an opportunity to join your team—or—as a more personal mentorship meeting.
We started chatting and I was too anxious to ask.
Lulu Misspeaking Missteps
When my brain froze on the pronunciation of Dentley’s name I fell off my sell yourself script and just showed up as me—having a friendly chat with a cool person.
You were authentic, fun, and even spiritual—like me!!
It was a whole system overload but I was so happy to feel seen and heard by someone who I wanted to see and hear—I just awed at my luck.
When things shifted and you asked what you could do for me, the “don’t be a bother” immigrant conditioning kicked in and I couldn't dare ask for an interview.
Homer Simpson facepalming with speech bubble that says “DOH!”
When I said casually looking for work and not carefully looking—which is what I meant—I couldn’t tell if you were relieved or annoyed because I was wasting your time.
My brain started screaming at me and it hasn’t really stopped.
So—In case you were receiving me as a potential team member—what I was meaning to say was…
Where Am I? How Can You Help?
Play video for audio and transcription or continue scroll to read
Bart Simpson Jumping with joy.
“Right now I’m carefully looking for the right fit and of course, I would love an opportunity to interview with your team.”
“The thought of being authentically me at work is the dream.”
“To do that at Twitter, a company that—kool-aid aside—has access to top talent, training, and coaching—Woah!”
“To be honest tho—I made waves advocating for user research at my last agency, and despite my best efforts I never got to speak to a user or even send out a survey.”
“I left with little to showcase outside of wireframes and because of that, I’m terrified of a highly competitive interview process. ”
“That said, there aren’t a lot of companies hiring researchers on the spectrum so if you think there could be a space for me on your team—I would jump through hoops to show you what I can bring. ”
Bart Simpson with a humble sad face.
I can’t go back in time and I may have missed this opportunity but that’s ok—life will always provide more.
I have already learned so much from this experience and meeting you so whatever the outcome—I believe it’s helping me down the right path.
My only hope is this is not so weird that I burn a golden gate bridge in the process!
Thanks for scrolling and for experiencing me — lulu
lulu’s visual signature - L makes up face line, u l u makes up the eyes and nose set in a mindful and thankful expression with yellow dashes for hair.